How to train your parrot

Tweets of the week

Tweets and other posts of the week

Wife: Today marks the start of the year of the rabbit.
Me: I didn’t know you celebrated Chinese New Year?
Wife: Chinese what?
— Gary Delaney is on tour now (@GaryDelaney) January 22, 2023

"Here’s looking at Euclid" - Humphrey Bogart’s guide to Geometry.
— Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) January 26, 2023

english fuck up of the day: i thought ballache was pronounced like ganache
— laís (@certifiedcopy) January 24, 2023

"Here’s looking at Euclid" - Humphrey Bogart’s guide to Geometry.
— Bethany Black (@BeffernieBlack) January 26, 2023

Hey, are you my school timetable from 3rd year onwards, 'cos there's no chemistry
— Craig Deeley (@craiguito) January 25, 2023

I knew I was too old for clubbing when I started to throw my hands in the air like I did care.
— Ian Power (@IHPower) January 22, 2023

I've only just started making trousers for stilt walkers but I'm ALREADY making massive strides
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) January 24, 2023

My dyslexic friend Macy got so excited at the end of the office disco when she thought everyone was spelling her name.
— James Cook (@jamesecook) January 27, 2023

Being ‘ghosted’ by a man means he will definitely not be putting the willies up you. Now that, Alanis Morissette, is ironic.
— Flups (@TheRealFlups) January 23, 2023