Tweets of the week

Tweets of the week

Hey girl are you a deep mud puddle 100 yards away from the car wash exit because I would totally hit that

— Eternal Samnation (@portmanteauface) March 15, 2021

I'm a big fan of the Irish goodbye. Which goes without saying

— William Stone (@itswilliamstone) March 19, 2021

A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked in to blood donation clinic.

The nursed asked the rabbit: "What is your blood type?"

"I am probably a type O" said the rabbit.

— Lucy (@LMBD1418) March 18, 2021

When your name is almost Liverpool’s last five games pic.twitter.com/8zzzWL9qud

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) March 15, 2021

I deserve an Oscar for my performance of "oh I’ve never tried this before" while getting samples at Costco

— Adam (@adamgreattweet) March 16, 2021

Imagine if dogs found out they’re actually full of bones.

— Jake Lambert (@LittleLostLad) March 18, 2021

I’ve started going to handwriting lessons in the evenings. It’s a great place to meet illegible bachelors.

— Gary Delaney (@GaryDelaney) March 19, 2021

Bruce Willis should start a football club and call it A.C. Dead People.

— David Preece (@davidpreece12) March 18, 2021

Unleash the dogs of sarcasm. Because THAT'LL help

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) March 15, 2021

A graph of British Rivers pic.twitter.com/2JcOlGqAzi

— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) March 16, 2021

Published: 19 Mar 2021