Tweets of the week

Tweets of the week

Why the hell would somebody pick up my mobile, delete my Spandau Ballet ringtone, then put it back?

It just doesn't ring true.

— 𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 (@pearlylondon) August 22, 2020

"I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Now turn to page 232 in your textbooks." - Hannibal Lecture

— Phil The Writer (@philswales) August 22, 2020

David Icke should answer his phone by saying, "Icke here." Then he could sell people furniture and stuff. Meatballs. That sort of thing. I've called him several times to tell him this but he doesn't pick up anymore.

— Boothby Graffoe (@boobygraffoe) August 26, 2020

If anyone needs cheering up, eggs were once known as ‘cacklefarts’, and a hankie was called a ‘snottinger’.

— Susie Dent (@susie_dent) August 26, 2020

Julie Andrews’ Daily Schedule:

1. Impersonate Homer Simpson
2. Read about bushcraft
3. Watch ludicrously silly play
4. Replace button on blouse
5. Start making coffee flavoured bread

D’oh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.

— The Original Twitflup! (@TheRealFlups) August 22, 2020

My nan asked that we play Bryan Adams at her funeral in Barnstaple. Now I'm finding it hard to bereave - we're in Devon.

— Pundamentalism (@Pundamentalism) August 27, 2020

Published: 28 Aug 2020