Tweets of the week

Tweets of the week

Hearing that O.J. Simpson’s coffin fits him like a glove. Hope it’s not too uncomfortable.

— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) April 11, 2024

"And now I will jump over this set of gallows... with my horse and cart"
Medieval Knievel

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) April 11, 2024

QUIZ SHOW HOST: So, Trevor, what would you do if you won the £100,000 jackpot?
CONTESTANT: My brother lives in Australia, I haven’t seen him for 15 years after we fell out, so I think I’d send him a picture of me with the money.

— Craig Deeley ????????????️‍???? ???????? (@craiguito) April 7, 2024

I know about yards of ale but have they invented a metre of vodka? I know it sounds like a long shot.

— Friz Frizzle (@FrizFrizzle) April 11, 2024

The female equivalent of a ‘dick pic’ is a ‘flap snap’.

— Flups (@TheRealFlups) April 9, 2024

I met Greta Thunberg in Oxford St last December. She was turning off the Christmas lights.

— Adam Bloom (@adambloomie2) April 10, 2024

Murder, she wrote.
"Your password is incorrect".
Bugger, she thought.

— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) April 10, 2024

When the moon hits your knees
And you mispronounce trees
Sycamore

— Stone Cold Jane Austen (@AbbyHiggs) April 7, 2024

When did IQ reveal parties become a thing? pic.twitter.com/3NVrkEspXb

— Doug McFerrari ???????? (@Dougmcg1) April 10, 2024

Oh… hold on. Wait… it looks like I DO have a book on object permanence.

— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) April 8, 2024

Published: 13 Apr 2024