Starmer joke wins this year's Christmas cracker title

U&Gold's contest now in its 12th year

A joke about Keir Starmer getting lots of freebies from Lord Alli has been crowned the winner of the annual competition to find the best new Christmas cracker joke.

Other quips about Baby Reindeer, Oasis tickets and Gareth Southgate also feature in the list of holiday humour compiled by U&Gold.

It is the 12th year that the channel has asked people to post their original festive funnies which were then shortlisted by a panel of judges and put to an anonymous public vote of 2,000 adults.

The top new Christmas cracker jokes for 2024 revealed as:

What gifts will Sir Keir get this Christmas? None, he's had enough! (by Carlsen Stanton @carlsen_stanton)
Why are pensioners bulk buying Brussels sprouts this Christmas? It's the only way they'll keep the gas flowing this year (Craig @escapeveloxity)
Why is Rachel Reeves in the Nativity this year? She’s collecting inn-heritance tax (Alex Buchanan @alexbuchanan)
Why is Santa worried about being stalked? He’s surrounded by baby reindeer. (Paul Read @PaulReadWrites)
Who’s Santa's favourite member of Oasis? Noel (Nicola Hilliard @nicola_hilliard)
Why does Father Christmas find going down chimneys easier this year? He’s on Ho Ho hozempic. (Alex Buchanan @alexbuchanan)
Why aren't there more jokes about receiving Oasis tickets for Christmas? Most people won't get them (Craig @escapeveloxity)
What do you call a Belgian reselling tickets at inflated prices? A Brussels tout (@cantdecide86)
What’s the Thames Water advent calendar like? It’s full of number 2s (Graham Parry @laughingtwits)
Why did Gareth Southgate get into difficulty with the Christmas Club money? He was always late with his subs. (Graham Parry @laughingtwits)

Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who led the judging panel, called this ‘another brilliant list of festive funnies from the public – a true testament to British wit.’

Gerald Casey, director of comedy programmes on U&Gold, added: ‘Congratulations to our 2024 winners. We’re blown away year after year by the hilarious entries we receive and we love seeing the British public get involved to share the laughs.

The author of the winning joke, Carlsen Stanton aged, 48, from Birmingham, received the top prize of £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper and a box of bespoke U&Gold Christmas Crackers containing the top six jokes, which all the winners receive.

The annual joke competition celebrates U&Gold’s seasonal TV line-up, which includes Gavin And Stacey, Absolutely Fabulous, The Vicar Of Dibley and Only Fools And Horses.

Published: 3 Dec 2024