...and why she will never play arenas

Sarah Millican used to count up every single insult that trolls sent her on Twitter.

She admitted it was 'messed-up' behaviour, but said it helped her deal with the abuse.

'When my TV show was on I'd have a piece of paper and write down all the insults I got; fat, ugly, shit hair… whatever and tally them off with a five bar gate,' she said.

'While that seems messed up, there was a logic to it, because if there were 2,000 comments and I counted up 43 insults it didn't seem so bad. But I realise it's messed-up and I don't do it any more.'

Speaking at Dave's Leicester Comedy Festival she also revealed that as she dealt with the trolls, 'I used to sing, "We will, we will block you," as I pressed the button… even alone in my hotel room. '

The comedian said she had sometimes struggled with the concept of being famous, as she was 'the same person I've always been'.

'Being recognisable – I wince at the word fame – it's not always very nice,' she told festival director Geoff Rowe in an on-stage interview. 'It's odd that sometimes someone will pose for a photo with you and they are physically shaking.

'I've had people scream in Millie's Cookies. It's weird. Just put the cookies in the bag! Sometimes you just want to overindulge in cookies in peace.'

Asked if there was anyone she would be excited to meet, she said that before she was a comic 'I did three weeks unpaid work as a runner on Our Friends In The North, and I got giddy about Christopher Eccleston.'

Millican gave further insight into the downside of being a woman in the public eye when she confessed: 'I like radio because you are only judged on your words.'

She has also been criticised for material she performed, including a joke about rape she performed at a preview show for the Leicester festival several years ago.

'You can joke about anything as long as your angle is healthy – racism, misogyny, whatever,' she said. 'I've done jokes in the past about rape from a feminist angle, but there are some buzzwords in comedy…

'When I did the preview show here, I ended on a rape joke, and I still stand by it. But half the audience thought it was edgy and hilarious, but half said "no!" But my show was dark and filthy and I wanted to give people a fair sample; so the audience who would come would like that sort of thing. And they did.'

She said that in the social media age people liked to express their outrage, rather than simply deciding they didn't like a comedian.

'When I was growing up, we weren't allowed to like Jasper Carrott because he once did a joke about polio, and my mam has polio,' she said. 'He would come on TV and we'd switch him off. We voted with out feet, you don't have to complain.'

Millican retold the story of how she got into comedy after going on a performance course following her divorce, saying: 'The first comedy club I'd ever been in, I was on at. I didn't realise these little gigs with these amazing people even existed.'

But once she had her heart set on a career in comedy, she worked hard to pursue it, even as an open spot. 'I always had 50 gigs in my diary,' she said. 'If I did three gigs that week I had to ring around and get three more in.'

She advised others starting in comedy to enter new act competitions. 'Agents are lazy at looking for new talent as they are already busy looking after their clients. So they go to the new act finals and see eight or ten of the best.

'When I was doing them, I came second quite a lot. But winning, I think you feel "I'm here; I've made it." Second makes you work harder.'

Even now, she says she continues to work hard. 'My agent is very good at opening doors for me; but I have still got to tap-dance through them.'

But despite the other opportunities comedy has offered her, they are all secondary to stand-up. 'It's a good way to get on the telly, I suppose, but there's no other feeling like being on stage. It's like I found somewhere where I completely fit in.'

She also said that as a 'control freak' she enjoyed the freedom of stand-up. 'You might not laugh at what I say but I'll have enjoyed saying it. To go into TV or even writing columns where other people are picking what stays and goes, it feels closed off.'

That desire to control everything even extends to her tour posters, she said. 'I always try to get boobs and cocks on the poster somewhere; in one it was on the wallpaper.'

Yet even though she can fill theatres with people who want to hear her, she admitted she missed the camaraderie of clubs. 'I miss the circuit. I feel like I've been promoted out of the job I wanted.'

And as for the next step, she says arenas are out of the question, having hated them from an audience point of view. 'I'm very sedentary on stage, and that's not best suited to arenas,' she said. 'And you know how much I worry. Imagine how I would shit my pants if I had to sell an arena.

'I did five minutes at the Channel 4 Comedy Gala in the O2 Arena. It was one of the worst five minutes of my life in comedy. You hear your own voice echoing back at you. It confirmed all my fears this would be hell.

'Arenas are good because you can play to a lot of people if you haven't much time; and it's good if you want to make a lot of money fast; but it's not for me. I really like being on stage and I wouldn't want anything to make that a shitty experience.'

Published: 9 Feb 2015