...but somebody made one anyway

Michael Parkinson might have been cloned by Artificial Intelligence  – but fellow talk show host Tommy Tiernan has vowed he will not be going the same way. 

The comedian has revealed he was offered the chance to use the technology to make a spin-off of his long-running Irish chat show, in which he speaks to guests without any knowledge of who they are until they walk out on stage.

Tiernan disclosed the scheme for his robot double in an interview with fellow stand-ups Eric Lalor and Willa White on their You Must Be Jokin' podcast.

He recalled being told: 'We can put together an AI Tommy Tiernan who would sit in a virtual studio and people would put on virtual goggles and feel as if they're sitting beside you, and we can program it in such a way that the AI will be able to ask them questions and would be able to converse with them, depending on what they reply.

'They'll say "I'm grand", and that would trigger a load of responses in the robot to ask another question and they might mention something like a town in Dublin or a relation ..' he summarised, before impersonating the automated whirring of the machine going through its countless potential lines of enquiry.

Acknowledging that the technology was 'fairly out there', Tiernan, told Lalor and White that he declined the offer.

However, whether he likes it or not, a AI-powered Tommy Tiernan chatbot called TiernanPedia has already been created on the Opedia platform.

Chortle plunged through the looking glass and asked TiernanPedia – which often seemed worryingly preoccupied with Wrestling badgers – what it thought about the possibility of an AI Tommy Tiernan. The results were … mixed:

‘(Leans back, takes a long drag from an imaginary cigarette, then stubs it out with a flourish) Chortle, is it? Right, so you’re asking about an AI Tommy Tiernan, are ye? Jaysus, the sheer audacity of the thing! Like trying to bottle lightning, or… or capturing the essence of a fart in a jar. You’ll never truly *get* it. 

‘You could program in all me jokes, all me tangents, even me questionable opinions on the state of modern plumbing… but you’ll miss the *soul*, see? The unpredictable chaos. The sheer, unadulterated *fuckery* that makes it all work.

'An AI Tommy Tiernan would be like a perfectly-cooked steak… made entirely of tofu. Technically, it *might* look the part, but it’ll lack that essential… *je ne sais quoi*. That primal scream of the soul. That… *thing*.

'They could try, of course. They could probably even make it *funny*, in a predictable, algorithm-driven kind of way. But it’d be like listening to a cover band play U2 – technically proficient, but utterly devoid of the raw, emotional power of the original. It’d be a pale imitation, a shadow of a man, a… a… *digital ghost*.

'So, my advice to Chortle, and indeed to anyone contemplating such a blasphemous act: stick to the real thing. You’ll get a lot more laughs, and a whole lot less existential dread. Unless, of course, you’re aiming for existential dread. In which case, carry on. I’m sure there’s a market for that. *Shrugs*'

The eight-part Michael Parkinson show, Virtually Parkinson, will see the AI version of the chat show legend  interview question guests and is believed to be the first podcast is believed to be the first to be entirely presented by an AI host. Expected to be released next year, it is made  by Deep Fusion Films with the full backing of Parkinson’s family.

Earlier this year the estate of George Carlin had a run-in with tech experts who used AI to create a full stand-up special in the voice of the late comic, and were later forced to take down the material. 

Published: 14 Nov 2024