Tweets of the week

Tweets of the week

...because, let's face it, no one's calling them Xs

As twitter is becoming 'X', I propose previous references to 'x' become 'twitter'. Malcolm Twitter, Twitter Twitter Twitter Movies, Twitter marks the Spot.

— Daliso Chaponda (@dalisochaponda) July 24, 2023

It does feel strange that anyone would want to rebrand as the symbol we've all been conditioned to use when we want to close an app?

— NewsThump (@newsthump) July 24, 2023

Oh I get it now, it's a graph pic.twitter.com/zpKI3Phd5U

— HappyToast★ (@IamHappyToast) July 28, 2023

Presumably in a couple of weeks it’ll have halved in value so he’ll have to change the name to V.

— Lev Parikian (@LevParikian) July 24, 2023

Don't want to brag, but at school I was voted most likely to cling on to past achievements

— Craig Deeley (@craiguito) July 25, 2023

On the next "Unsolved Mysteries" my wife and I investigate how there aren't enough hangers for the clothes we washed when they were on hangers before we wore them.

— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) July 25, 2023

[in restaurant]

"Waiter, I'd like the soup please. What is it?"

"Well, it’s sort of like a drink but with lumps in it".

— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) July 22, 2023

If Dua Lipa married Ronnie Biggs, divorced him to marry George Melly then divorced him to marry Winnie the Pooh she’d be Dua Biggs Melly Pooh.

No, YOU’RE a child!

— Flups (@TheRealFlups) July 21, 2023

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

— .:RiotGrlErin:. (@RiotGrlErin) July 25, 2023

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it’s fully groan.

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) July 27, 2023

How lazy we've all become. I mean, our local Esso is only a few hundred yards down the road, yet I still drive there to get my petrol.

— Jason (@NickMotown) March 14, 2023

Published: 28 Jul 2023