'He has a really nice package...'

The Weekly Trivia File

John Cleese's girlfriend Barbie Orr - 42 years his junior - calls the comic 'Fossil'. But she's happy to talk about his genitals to the tabloid press, saying: 'For an old guy, you know, they’re normally saggy down there, but he really has a nice package.'

Tough life, eh? Russell Brand was seen drinking Cristal champagne with a group 15 models trying to cosy up to him at London nightclub Embassy this week, but ended up swapping phone numbers with footballer Thierry Henry’s ex-wife, Claire Merry.

Frankie Howerd's country mansion, Wavering Down in Somerset, is to be exorcised.

Alan Carr wasn't impressed with the costume More magazine made him wear for a photoshoot with Torville and Dean this week. 'They had decided to put me in a canary skintight skating outfit for the photo,' he wrote on his website. '"The colour is saffron," the costumier hissed, waggling his thimble at me, as I described to my agent the monstrosity that was clinging to my body (and genitals if I'm honest). The outfit was excruciating, I had a reinforced gusset, a body stocking with poppers and a jock strap. No wonder those male skaters grin as they lift up their partners, that's not professionalism, that's ball-ache.'

Bad stand-up transcends the language barrier. We've no idea what this Slovenian kid is saying, but you know it's not good:

The YouTube description of this clip – entitled Bine does Stand up (Epic fail) – is: 'Once upon a time Bine decided to make a Stand up...expectations were huge, but he managed to perform a disaster...'

Stand-up Jim Smallman wants to preview his Leicester Comedy Festival show before it opens. But instead of the usual pub venues, he is offering to perform it free in comedy fans' homes on February 3 and 4.

When he was a teenager, Russell Howard ran up a huge phone bill ringing sex chatlines. His mum Ninette said: 'He wasn’t bothered. I don’t think he was even embarrassed that his mum knew he’d been… you know, phoning these naughty ladies. Boys will be boys, I suppose. '