The best topical Christmas cracker jokes of 2023 are...
Winners of Gold's competition announced
A festive joke about the British Museum’s loss of hundreds of priceless artefacts has won the Gold TV channel’s annual Christmas cracker competition.
Gags about Barbie, Elon Musk and HS2 also feature in the list of one-liners released today.
The author of the winning joke, Chris Douch, 37, from Oxfordshire, received £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper, a box of bespoke Gold Christmas Crackers and a novelty turkey costume Lee Mack wears in the Gold show Blood Actually: A Murder, They Hope Mystery.
The writers of the other jokes in the top 10 were not named, but Chortle has tracked down their original tweets so they can be credited:
1.
Did you hear about the Christmas cake on display in the British Museum? It was Stollen. #GoldCrackers
— Chris Douch (@ThisisDouch) October 9, 2023
2.
Why is Elon Musk's Christmas dinner so awkward?
— Andy Flood (@ndyflood) October 5, 2023
He can't stop talking about his X#GoldCrackers
3.
Why isn’t Barbie having turkey for Christmas dinner this year?
— Andrew Timms (@Vocal_Chameleon) October 16, 2023
Chic-Ken is enough.#GoldCrackers
4.
Why aren’t any schools allowed to put on a nativity this year? They couldn’t find a stable building. #GoldCrackers
— Nicola Hilliard (@nicola_hilliard) October 4, 2023
5.
Q. What impact will the 20mph speed limit in Wales have on the charts this year?
— Wicam (@johnycat) October 10, 2023
A. Chris Rea will be driving home for Easter.
#GoldCrackers
6.
What happened to Mark Zuckerberg’s novelty jumper when he had a cagefight with Elon Musk?
— Leonie S (@leonierachel2) October 4, 2023
He was left with nothing but Threads.#GoldCrackers
7.
What's the difference between The Polar Express and HS2?
— Spence Macdonald(@spencemacdonald) October 8, 2023
One's a fantasy about a train and the other's a film with Tom Hanks. #GoldCrackers
8.
What did Robert Oppenheimer get Barbie for Christmas?
— Mark Granger (@Mark_Granger_) October 7, 2023
Atomic Kenergy.#GoldCrackers
9.
Why are the train drivers on the naughty list this year? Because they've already had three strikes! #GoldCrackers
— Jess (@jessmasonx) October 5, 2023
10.
How does Margot Robbie decorate her Nativity scene?
— Alex B (@alexbuchanan) October 5, 2023
With 3 wise Ken#GoldCrackers
For the 11th year running, Gold challenged the British public to post their original festive gags on social media, which were then shortlisted by a panel of judges and put to an anonymous public vote of 2,000 British adults.
Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who led the judging panel, said: ‘Despite the tumultuous times of the past year, the British public has once again found the silver, or in this case gold, lining in some cheerful jokes.
‘This year's modern Christmas cracker jokes, spanning from cultural hit Barbenheimer and the misadventures of Parisian bed bugs, to seemingly never-ending strikes and terrible train woes, prove that we are a nation with an unwaveringly inventive sense of humour."
The top six jokes are included within bespoke boxes of Gold’s Christmas crackers, which will be presented to this year’s winners.
Published: 5 Dec 2023
