Tweets of the week

Posts of the week

BREAKING: Mick Jagger thrown out of Kwik Fit after demanding free tyres. He can’t get no gratis traction.

— Gareth George - Groan Man (@groanman2020) October 30, 2023

You're so vane,
You probably spin a lot when it's windy...

— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) November 1, 2023

Sorry I’m having trouble hearing you, there’s a Gail blowing pic.twitter.com/3Wef7A6NwC

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) November 2, 2023

I like to shower like Frank Sinatra did, and so I face the vinyl curtain.

— Paul Eggleston (@pauleggleston) October 30, 2023

damn girl are you the tower of babel because you are stacked in defiance of god and i cannot speak coherently when you go down

— madeline "deweened" cavegift (@cavegift) November 2, 2023

When I suggested that the map app should have sound effects you could have heard a pin drop.

— Moose Allain (@MooseAllain) October 30, 2023

My favourite Red Hot Chili Peppers song about poor TV picture quality is probably Scart Issue

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) October 31, 2023

Had to change my will. Apparently you're not allowed to leave money to an imaginary friend, unless he has a church.

— paul bassett davies buy my damn books (@thewritertype) November 2, 2023

SAVE money on expensive zombie Halloween costumes by simply being in your forties.

— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) October 30, 2023

My dad always says when one door closes, another one will open.

A wonderful man but a terrible cabinet maker.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) November 3, 2023

i tell you: i have been laughing at this in a way that has caused me pain pic.twitter.com/9COOtUFXR7

— Greatest Story Ewa Told (@EwaSR) November 3, 2023

Published: 3 Nov 2023