It's hard to get excited about birthday cake...

Tweets of the week

Dear football, don’t come home. It’s a trap. We’re being held hostage here by a corrupt nationalist oligarchy, and they want to use you for propaganda. Get away while you still can. Run.
— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) August 17, 2023

"We’ve just been to Wimborne Model Village."
"In Dorset?"
"Yes, I’d recommend it to anyone." pic.twitter.com/AUktCeIV2i
— Rhodri Marsden ⏏️ (@rhodri) August 18, 2023

It's well known that Bill Oddie sang The Funky Gibbon, but not many people know that the tune was written by his sister, Mel.
— T'Other Simon (@TOther_Simon) August 15, 2023

Pronouncing patio like ratio
— Glenn Moore (@TheNewsAtGlenn) August 18, 2023

I eat cake every day so I find it hard to get excited about birthday cake. It’s just my normal lunch except it’s on fire and I have to share it.
— Martin Pilgrim (@MartinPilgrim1) August 15, 2023

My plan for a Roger Moore lookalike competition has certainly raised a few eyebrows.
— Gary Delaney is on tour now (@GaryDelaney) August 13, 2023

Poo, Spew, Barmy Hair-do, Cuntface, Dribble, Twat. pic.twitter.com/cwTXedpchZ
— Parody Rishi Sunak (@Parody_PM) August 13, 2023

Ask today's rappers to name a type of horse. Sure, they'll mention shire or Clydesdale. Or even Shetland pony. But they forgot about dray
— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) August 16, 2023

The lion from The Wizard of Oz gave me his old, frayed hair ribbon.

It's not too damaged, but there's some wear over the mane bow.
— Daniel Edison (@DanEdisonComedy) August 18, 2023