If you made Red Dwarf these days...

Tweets of the week

just want to get rich enough that people laugh when I die
— Bobby Mair (@BobbyMair) June 22, 2023

If I were a billionaire stuck at the bottom of the ocean I would simply pull myself up by my bootstraps.
— Nat (@unfortunatalie) June 21, 2023

I'm making a TV series about the different parts of my gas cooker - I've already filmed the pilot.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) June 19, 2023

19 years ago today I married my best friend. The vicar had awful eyesight and we were too polite to point out his mistake. Fiancé was furious.
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) June 22, 2023

just read that michelangelo painted the sistine chapel on his back. must've been really difficult reaching the bit between his shoulders.
— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) June 22, 2023

I looked up fractal in the dictionary and it said see fractal.
— Gary Delaney is on tour now (@GaryDelaney) June 18, 2023

Of course, if you made Red Dwarf these days, you'd have to make sure you fulfilled racial diversity quotas. And the computer would be trans. And one of the characters would probably "identify" as a cat.
— Opium Tea (@opiumteaworld) June 20, 2023

darth vader: can I say—and this isn’t pc or whatever, but I actually think it’s good to cut off ur kid’s hand. my dad—not real dad but basically he was—he cut off mine, and now I have a death star

joe rogan: wooow. like I hadn’t thought that, but hearing u say it, it makes sense
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) June 20, 2023