Tweets of the week

Tweets of the week

When Kenny G dies, the speech at his funeral will be given by his sister Eula.

— T'Other Simon (@TOther_Simon) March 7, 2023

"A bit of snow and this country comes to a standstill" I shout at myself as I can’t find an iPhone charger in my own kitchen.

— Josh Pugh (@JoshPughComic) March 9, 2023

"Do you prefer butter or margarine?" - Market research.

"Do you prefer ‘Take On Me’ or ‘The Sun Always Shines On TV’?" - M. Harket research.

— Flups (@TheRealFlups) March 9, 2023

In my old job I was known as a mover and a shaker which isn’t good in bomb disposal.

— Gary Delaney is on tour now (@GaryDelaney) March 6, 2023

I’m doing crunches twice a day now…

Captain in the morning…

Nestle in the afternoon.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) March 7, 2023

I shortened the rope on the bucket used to collect the village's water. Didn't go down well.

— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) March 6, 2023

Ugh here we go, the days between International Women’s Day and Battle of the Boyne where everyday is like a blur

— Celya AB (@abcelya) March 9, 2023

Camels call their toes "human fannies"

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) March 10, 2023

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Tree surgeons of the world, take a bough.

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) March 7, 2023

I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon.

Neil before me.

— Amanda Blain ● (@amandablain) March 9, 2023

Mechanic: Your car's got a flat
Me: It's called a garage

— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) March 9, 2023

Published: 10 Mar 2023