Writing to Santa

Tweets of the week

Imagine the fallout if Cher married Mark Noble.
— Phil Chapman (@IAmPhilChapman) May 15, 2022

The final dance in Dirty Dancing, but they're dancing to The Muppet Show theme tune. pic.twitter.com/ldfjmm5JoQ
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) May 17, 2022

I'm annoyed that 'cowards' doesn't mean 'to move in the direction of cattle'
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) May 17, 2022

They phone you up, your mum and dad. They do not mean to, but they do.
— Jonn Elledge (@JonnElledge) May 13, 2022

hilary duff is actually short for hilarious duffle bag
— Live Laugh Lorna (@lornlornlors) May 19, 2022

Please respect my decision to stand outside the Science Museum in a lab coat, distributing Wanted posters with my photograph on them and warning people to watch out for an escaped clone.#InternationalMuseumDay
— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype) May 18, 2022

Soup isn't a meal. "I eat my dinner with just a spoon" you sound insane right now
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) May 19, 2022

Patient: so, do you think me being hard of hearing has contributed to my bird phobia?

Doctor: maybe a smidgen.

Patient: WHAT?!? WHERE?!?
— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) May 18, 2022

Writing a letter to Santa now because I don't wanna seem like one of those friends that only reaches out when I want something
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) May 20, 2022