How to check if your spaghetti is cooked...

Tweets of the week

forgot the word for toothpaste and called it bone shampoo
— Village of the Adamned (@Browtweaten) October 8, 2021

Squid Game is basically Taskmaster if Alex Horne were Satan.
— David Baddiel (@Baddiel) October 10, 2021

Public told to plan ahead for Christmas due to supply issues, forcing majority of men to bring their shopping forward to Dec 23rd.
— Have I Got News For You (@haveigotnews) October 14, 2021

My dad used to make seven figures a year. Which is what got him fired from the toy factory.
— Jake Lambert (@LittleLostLad) October 15, 2021

In Roman times CXX stood for 120 - nowadays it stands for 'I love you but my finger slipped and I'm too lazy to tap delete three times and type it again'.
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) October 13, 2021

Someone's just 1.27 centimetred my joke about cockneys and the metric system.
— GlennyRodge (@GlennyRodge) October 15, 2021

To test if spaghetti is ready to eat throw it at the wall and if it leaves a dent it’s still in the tin.
— Gary Delaney is on tour now (@GaryDelaney) October 13, 2021

I'm dating a bin lady at the moment. Can never remember if I'm supposed to take her out on a Monday or a Wednesday
— William Stonely fools and horses Halloween special (@itswilliamstone) October 12, 2021