Tweets of the week

Tweets of the week

hey girl are you a greggs steak bake cause you are so hot but also incredibly flaky

— Joe Lycett (@joelycett) September 11, 2020

By the way, ‘sheep’ is singular and plural, but sheeple is the words sheep and people, so is the singular still sheeple or sheepson? Whatever most of you say on this, I’ll just agree.

— Carey Marx (@CareyMarx) September 5, 2020

I’ve been asked to officially open a bomb disposal school. They've given me some big scissors and I have to cut the red ribbon… or is the blue ribbon?… no, it’s the definitely the red ribbon... or it could be the green ribbon.

— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) September 6, 2020

The worst thing about getting new hearing aids is finding out your kids have brummie accents.

— Steve Day (@TheRealSteveDay) September 8, 2020

God: I've invented wind
Adam: I don't like it
God: It's only the first draught

— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) September 10, 2020

Uranus is part of arseholer system.

— The Original Twitflup! (@TheRealFlups) September 8, 2020

Having spent ten years investigating the genome it's time to announce my findings. They've got pointy red hats, fishing rods and like sitting on big mushrooms.

— Gary Delaney (@GaryDelaney) September 9, 2020

Published: 11 Sep 2020