'Why wasn't I shot?'

It is an irritant every stand-up has faced: audience members whispering to each other unaware at how distracting their self-absorbed lack of engagement is for everyone else.

But when American comic Pete Holmes called out one punter for such rude behaviour, he was shocked to find out who she was.

Appearing on Conan O’Brien's US talk show, the comic recalled the incident at the Comedy Studio in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

He recalled: ‘I was watching this show before I went on and there were two hot young women at the front and in the whole show they were whispering, it was worse than heckling.

‘What a Black Mirror nightmare to be doing stand-up and there's two attractive girls - which is what made every nerd get into a comedian - in the front row whispering and laughing at the people on stage, but int a bad way. But no one’s mentioning it.

‘I go on last and I tell a joke, and they're whispering and laughing and giggling, and I'm just like, "What's going on, I can see you!"

‘They were in the front row, they were in the light. And I go, "What’s going on? I can see you please stop". Tell another joke, and they keep doing it, and I’m like: Can you please cut it out?"

‘And I get a little bit more like "shut up". You push Petey too far and it’s "shut the fuck up".

‘At a certain point, I take the curtain and gp: ‘I don’t care, enjoy the show how you want. but I don’t want to see you" and I cover them with the curatain. I thought this would get a big laugh.Nothing. The whole audience turns on me, and I’m like, "what is going on?"

‘After the show I found it was Obama’s daughter! It was Malia and her hot friend. She looked great. Terrible comedy audience. That’s a true story.’

He joked how the Secret Service should never have let him get away with his stunt, saying: ‘I should have been shot… or at least a little laser beam like you’re trying to entertain a cat on my face.’

Here’s the video of his anecdote.

Published: 28 Jan 2020