What if Mr Potato Head was the Potato Jesus...
Tweets of the week
Tweets of the week
imagine if mr potato head was the potato jesus and for communion they served french fries and vodka
— Kayleecious🍧 (@TweetsByKaylee) July 30, 2019
Me: I need a bank loan please
— Brynnester (@brynnester) July 27, 2019
Bank Manager: How much?
Me: Like really badly
My biggest weakness? Well, I’ve always been a bit of a perfectioner.
— Gary Delaney (@GaryDelaney) August 2, 2019
I used to do street magic. Afterwards I'd pass the hat round so people could help themselves to rabbits.
— Moose Allain Ꙭ (@MooseAllain) July 27, 2019
Men want me. Women want to be me. Horses want to stomp me to death with their hooves. Worms want to tie themselves together to form a rope that strangles me in my sleep. But it's the birds who hate me most of all.
— Mmm? (@Merman_Melville) August 1, 2019
in one final act of defiant revenge, despite your instruction I *do* let the door hit me on the arse on the way out
— joe (@mutablejoe) July 30, 2019
where there’s a-weem there’s a-weh
— Mowgli (@Holy_Mowgli) July 26, 2019
xt
All the wrong people hte themselves.
— Tig Notaro (@TigNotaro) August 1, 2019
Published: 2 Aug 2019
