Mark Simmons wins Joke Of The Fringe

Top 15 gags revealed

Mark Simmons has won this year’s Funniest Joke of the Fringe award.

The comic won the contest with his gag: 'I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.'

The joke, taken from his show More Jokes, was chosen after a shortlist selected by comedy reviewers, were put to a public vote of 2,000 Brits.

Simmons has made the shortlist three times before – and even has two gags in this year’s top five.

And on winning the award, run by U&Dave, he couldn’t resist another pun, quipping: ‘I needed some good news as I was just fired from my job marking exam papers, can’t understand it, I always gave 110 per cent’.

The top 15 were:

I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it. - Mark Simmons
I've been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don't feel like I'm progressing. It's just one step forward... two steps back. - Alec Snook
Ate horse at a restaurant once - wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful. - Alex Kitson
I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it. - Arthur Smith
I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.- Mark Simmons
My dad used to say to me "Pints, gallons, litres" – which, I think, speaks volumes - Olaf Falafel
British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons? - Chelsea Birkby
I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I've cracked it. - Masai Graham
My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had - Zoë Coombs Marr
The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati. - Olaf Falafel
I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’. - Sarah Keyworth
I've got a girlfriend who never stops whining. I wish I'd never bought her that vineyard - Roger Swift
Gay people are very bad at maths. We don't naturally multiply. - Lou Wall
Keir Starmer looks like an AI-generated image of a substitute teacher - Sophie Duker
Growing up rich is a hereditary condition. It affects 1 per cent of people - Olga Koch

Now in its 15th year, the Joke of the Fringe Award has previously been won by the likes of Lorna Rose Treen, Masai Graham, Ken Cheng, Olaf Falafel, Tim Vine, Rob Auton, Stewart Francis, Zoe Lyons and Nick Helm.

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Published: 18 Aug 2024