Comic seeks others willing to share their stories

Sofie Hagen is writing a book about not having sex.

The comedian says she has been involuntarily celibate for nearly eight years – and wants to explore why.

‘I am writing this book because I don't ever see this topic being discussed in a nuanced and respectful way,’ she says. ‘And when you Google "involuntarily celibate", well, the results are quite grim.’

‘Incels’ are usually part of a straight male misogynistic subculture who blame women for their situation, sometimes culminating in violence or mass killings.

Hagen is seeking other people to share their experiences in the book, and has set up an online questionnaire than can be completed anonymously.

The London-based Danish comic adds: ‘Note that I am a comedian and the book will be funny/humorous as well as serious, but I will not be making fun of you or your situation.’

In the preamble to the survey, which is prefaced with a trigger warning that it may bring up traumatic memories, she said: ‘I want to examine all the possible reasons behind us not having sex.

'From sexual trauma making us feel no longer safe in sex or in our bodies, to feeling shame about our bodies and not wanting to show it to people, to being a confused and anxious queer person who hasn't learned how to have sex outside of the heteronormative standard... to religious trauma, existing in a post-#MeToo world where we're suddenly relearning everything we thought we knew about consent, to gender confusion, neurodiversity and anything beyond and in between.’

Hagen previously wrote the 2019 memoir Happy Fat about body positivity and fat shaming. Her current stand-up show, Banglord, which premiered at last month’s Edinburgh Fringe addresses affairs that she had with two other comics as well as her long-running sexual drought.

No title or publisher for her new book has yet been announced.

Published: 12 Sep 2023