Gold's annual list of topical puns

A joke about Donald Trump has won the Gold channel’s annual hunt for the best topical Christmas cracker gag.

The one-liner, written by Mikel Huz, was: ‘What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker? Pays her off.’

Mr Huz’s joke was chosen in a vote of 2,000 adults, who passed their opinion on the top jokes submitted to the competition. He wins £1,500  towards a holiday as a prize, as well as a box of bespoke crackers, one of which contains his own joke.

Comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who headed the judging panel, said: ‘The joke that was chosen as number one shows it’s definitely a case of Top Trumps for Christmas this year.’

The top 15 jokes were:

1. What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker? Pays her off

2. Why is Theresa May encouraging board games at Christmas? Because she’s trying to bring back Chequers

3. Why has Debenhams been forced to cancel its Christmas nativity play? No prophet

4. What does Philip Green buy former employees for Christmas? Their silence

5. When do sheep practice their new dance? While shepherds watched them floss by night

6. What’s the difference between the Love Island villa and the stable where Jesus was born? The stable has had some wise men in it

7. Why does Kim Kardashian hate Christmas so much? She’s always the butt of the Christmas cracker jokes

8. What is Meghan buying Harry, William and Charles for Christmas? Suits

9. Why was everyone hungover after Roxanne Pallett’s Christmas Party? She misjudged the strength of the punch

10. Why did Donald Trump invite Kanye West round to help with his Christmas presents? Because Kanye is Trump’s favourite wrapper

11. What’s the biggest complaint about Network Rail’s Christmas seasoning? They keep changing the thyme

12. Why has Boris Johnson bought mistletoe this year? Because he’s tired of being in the single market

13. What’s the only thing that goes on longer than Christmas? Harry and Meghan’s wedding preacher

14. What did Banksy serve with his Christmas turkey? Shred sauce

15. Who won the North Pole Love Island? Dani Deer

Published: 11 Dec 2018