'Nobody's penis was that big...'

WTF: Weekly trivia file

•'Every time I go out to do Just a Minute, I am conscious I might never work again.' Nicholas Parsons.

• On TV, Miranda Hart is always getting into embarrassing scrapes. And in real life… she's just the same. On tonight's Graham Norton Show she reveals an incident caused by her beloved pooch, Peggy. 'I was staying with a friend whose garden is on an island,' she recalls. ' I was exploring and discovered a Jacuzzi and got in with just my pants on. I then heard frantic barking from Peggy. Fearing the worst I dashed out of the Jacuzzi to find her. I was halfway across the bridge with no clothes on when I looked down and there was a group of 12-year olds kayaking. I decided I could run or style it out. I decided on the latter, grabbed Peggy and used her to cover my breasts!'

• Russell Brand once piloted a game show which compared naked penises. Seymour Mace was one of the team captains, opposite Rhys Thomas, and he recalled the taping when he appeared on the Social Hand Grenade podcast this week: 'We were filming a pilot for Russell Brand's Weird World or something like that. It was a terrible show. One of the rounds was as something about who's got the biggest penis from each country. They had a line-up of blokes on stage from different countries with their penises out. I went over and measured with my finger and thumb. I nearly touched it! I got close to it… all for the sake of entertainment. Funny enough, nobody's penis was that big as I think they were all a bit nervous. A lot of acorns.'

• Des Bishop can't have been too upset by losing his spot an New York's legendary Comedy Cellar this week since he got to witness John Mayer, Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle singing Wu Tang Clan hits.. and then Aziz Ansari got up to join them:

• beer Al Murray is to launch a range of 'beer gifting' merchandise this Christmas. His range will be available in Debenhams and includes a bottle of his branded Beautiful British Beer, made by The Ramsgate Brewery with a bottle opener, pint glass and pub snacks.

• 'Platinum' tickets to sit near the front of John Bishop's Winging It tour went on sale this week for up to £130. Making John Bishop worth five Stewart Lees.

• Whatever the Tory Party are doing, they are winning back some supporters. Jim Davidson returned to the party conference in Birmingham on Sunday for the first time in years, where he chatted with delegates and ministers including International Trade Secretary Liam Fox.

• Charlie Brooker has a confession to make: he's never seen the most talked-about comedy of the moment, Fleabag. 'I feel like it's a dereliction of duty,' he said.

• The original theme song for Friends was to have been Shiny Happy People, by REM until producer Kevin Bright suggested The Rembrandts' I'll Be There For You, as a fan of the band. Here is the opening for the pilot, when it was still called Friends Like Us:

• Gingers will get free tickets to James Wilson-Taylor's new comedy show Ginger Is The New Black, all about the marginalisation of people who share his hair colour, when it plays London's Leicester Square Theatre next month. He said: 'In Edinburgh if I had only given free tickets to gingers for a couple of days I'd go bankrupt. But in London we're still an endangered species so it should be fine.' There is one drawback, the ginger must bring a paying friend.

Tweets of the week

THIS PUB SELLS A BEER CALLED DORIAN GRAY. IT DOES NOT SELL THIS BEER IN PITCHERS. I CANNOT GET A PITCHER OF DORIAN GRAY.
— bamos appleby (@applebamos) October 5, 2016