Comedy announcements to amuse commuters

Commuters between London and Birmingham will hear a series of comedy announcements from their train drivers this month – thanks to Tony Robinson.

The Blackadder actor has teamed him with Richard Preddy, one of the writers of Green Wing, to produce new scripts for Chiltern Railways staff,

The lines, which will be heard both en route and at stations from today, are designed to cheer up the rush-hour grind.

They include

‘Welcome to Marylebone. If you’ve travelled to London for a business meeting later, today’s recommended meaningless phrases are “blue sky thinking,” “moving forward,” and “low-hanging fruit”.’

‘Welcome to London Marylebone. Would any passengers hoping to sell their cow for a handful of magic beans please make their way to Jack and the Beanstalk immediately.’

‘If there is a Mr Mowgli on the station, Mr Mowgli you have the following message. “Ooh, oobee doo. I wanna be like you. I wanna walk like you. Talk like you, too.” That was a message for Mr Mowgli, thank you.’

’For any passengers who’ve not visited London before, do please prepare yourselves for the capital’s overwhelmingly calm and relaxing pace of life.’

‘Our next station stop is Bicester, which is the second most wrongly pronounced station on this line, above Haddenham and Thame, but behind London Marlbon. Marlybon. Mary Lee Bone. You know what I mean.’

‘Soon we will be passing Warwick Parkway’s famous herd of alpacas. There are rumours that one of them is actually Gareth Gates in a costume. Can you spot him?’

‘Next stop: Banbury, which is famous for its canals. It’s a little known fact that Banbury actually has fewer canals than Venice!’

‘You are advised that listening to loud music can annoy other passengers. Other ways to annoy them are to block the exits, push onto the train, or call everyone you meet “Denise”.’

And on certain trains, the driver will suggest passengers play a ‘complicated’ game in which they have to say ‘horse’ every time they see a horse out of the window. Every so often during the rest of the trip, the train managermakes the simple announcement: ‘horse’.

The project was launched with TV channel Gold, which commissioned a survey that found that seven in ten British workers say their daily commute can be one of the most stressful times of the day.

Preddy wrote the lines, then teamed up with Robinson to teach the staff how to deliver the material.

Preddy said: ‘We have all waited for a train or a bus into work as the rain pours down and bustled our way to a seat , and I think comedy can help to alleviate that stress.

‘Everyone we met was so enthusiastic and the feedback so far has been fantastic. It’s important to note that we aren’t trying to turn everyone into a comedian - rather we are hoping to bring out a little more of the staff’s personality and humour via their day to day announcements and help cheer up the commuters along the way’.

Published: 14 May 2012