Gallagher vs Kay and Carolla vs the Phillipines

• Liam Gallagher’s feud with Peter Kay – which began when the comedian called him a knobhead after his outburst at the Brit awards – has escalated. Referring to the comic in the new edition of Shortlist magazine, Gallagher raged in his usual charming language: ‘Talking of knob, have you seen yours lately, you fucking fat cunt? Know what I mean? Bet he ain’t seen his for years. That is one cunt who’d get decked if I saw him on the street, believe you me.’

• Alan Davis hates QI being repeated nightly on Dave ‘not least because I don't get paid for it’. He said: ‘We get a very small fee and then they rerun it for 20 years. It drives me mad. I would like to be off the telly sometimes. You begin to irritate yourself.’

• When Melbourne Comedy Festival comic Jack Druce asked one 13-year-old audience member what he had wanted to be when he grew up, he said: ‘Hard to say… but my sister here, she wanted to be a penguin-shaped waffle.’

• Talking of Melbourne, it proved a cutthroat festival for British act Diane Spencer – literally. She had to cancel a couple of nights this week after going down with suspected quinsy, a potentially lethal pus-filled abscess that grows behind the tonsils. Doctors had to open her up to investigate, and found it was a serious case of tonsillitis, rather than anything worse. And for added irony, the tile of Spencer’s festival show? Lost In The Mouth Specific.

• Some guy dresses as Batman’s sidekick and does what he calls comedy. Car crash ahead:
  

• Jimmy Carr is peeved after Islington Council in North London gave the go-ahead to a new four-storey development of flats he claims will look right into his bedroom. His girlfriend Karoline Copping had objected in a letter to planning chiefs, but they overruled the objections.

• Smackdown! American comedian Adam Carolla has been conclusively put in his place – by the Philippine government. In a withering blow worthy of a heckle comeback, Deputy Presidential Spokesperson Gary Olivar hit back at Carollas' jokes that the country only offered sex tours using distinctly undiplomatic language. 'An ignorant yahoo like this guy, what's his name? Adam something,' he said. 'The significance of what he is saying amounts to absolutely zero and therefore we do not even wish or expect an apology from him... He is a non-entity. He is a member of the sick minority and he does not even deserve to be commented on or reacted to by our people.' Ouch.

SOURCES: Shortlist, Digital Spy, Chortle, Chortle, The Sun, Global Times China.

Published: 9 Apr 2010