That;s gotta hurt...
Comic gets an unwanted genital piercing
Stand-up Nick Wilty is recovering after severely damaging his genitals in a horrific accident at the Glastonbury Festival.
The comic speared himself with a tentpole, which passed straight through his penis and into his testicle sac.
The agonising injury required stitches, put in without anaesthetic, and took a half-inch chunk out of his organ.
Yet just two days after the incident he was on stage, compering the cabaret tent, and doctors now expect him to make a full recovery in the next three weeks.
The incident occurred just after he arrived on site on Friday morning and was setting up his tent. “You know how these modern tentpoles are like spring-loaded fishing rods,” he said. “Well, I fixed it at one end and was bending it into shape when it slipped through my fingers.
“It broke and the point went through the side of my cock and into my ball sack.
“I was in agony so went into the Glastonbury toilets – not the best place for this sort of thing – to see the damage. I undid my trousers and all this blood burst out. I knew I was in trouble then.
“Luckily, Phil Nichol was nearby and he got me an ambulance. It was very efficient– I was in the organisers caravan in 15 minutes with my trousers down.
“But they had no painkillers or anaesthetic on site, so they gave me butterfly stitches without them. The agony was unbelievable. It was so painful, I couldn’t even make a noise.
“When I got to the hospital, they were magnificent. They kept reassuring me everything was OK. But half an inch either way and it could have been in my lower intestine, or left me a eunuch.”
“It took a chunk out of my cock of about half an inch – luckily I’m not a small man - and my sac is grazed. But there’s no infection and it’s healing nicely. Everything’s working, too, which is a relief, though it’ll be a while until I’ll be having sex.”
Wilty and his girlfriend took pictures of the injuries – ostensibly just to prove what happened – but they inevitably became part of the comic’s routine on Sunday night.
“I decided there was no point in going back, so I might as well do the show,” he said. “I told about 2,000 people what had happened, and why I was wearing a sarong.
“Then I decided to show the front row the close-ups on my digital camera. As I went along the line, their heads went back in disgust. It was like a Mexican wave of revulsion.”
“The bruising’s about to go down, though, and I should be fully recovered in about three weeks.”
Wilty has supplied Chortle with photographs of his injuries., which we publish on the next page. Be warned, though, that one of them is a graphic close-up, which you may find gruesome. Use your discretion before clicking the link.
Published: 1 Jul 2004
