Sam See's Edinburgh Fringe binge, cringe and whinge...

Sam See is at the Edinburgh Fringe performing his show  And I Can't Feel at Home in This World Anymore  at Laughing Horse @ The Counting House at 5.45pm. Here he shares what he can't get enough of at the festival, his most embarrassing Edinburgh experience and the worst thing about the Fringe. Apart from the cost of accommodation, obviously…

EDINBURGH BINGE

I love the food. I know my body frame doesn’t look like that of a foodie, especially when I look ‘too small to be considered a halfling’. I like to eat, just in wee little bits.

People don’t realise what a food spot Edinburgh is, even without the festival running. You can get a cuisine from any part of the world up and down Old Town, while there are two excellent pasta places on Leith Walk alone.

The food trucks are a staple to me, whether it be the classic hotdog from On The Roll or being fancy with a venison burger at Screaming Peacock. It’s a shame that Saboteur is now gone, but there’s always the Tempura Unagi at Satoru, which is my go-to eating spot to treat myself like a decent human being before or after my solo show.

A bit of fried food on a bed of warm rice and a cold glass of sake, that’ll make you forget all the yelling and screaming you’ve had to endure today. Mostly from yourself to unexpecting audience members.

EDINBURGH CRINGE

Deciding these stories are always hard, you’re trying to pick one that’ll be entertaining enough, but won’t get you into a lawsuit. I’m going to go for a solo moment. Nothing better like a story with a bit of a bio break.

I was with some friends, bar-hopping from artist bar to artist bar. I’ve had several pints, not enough to stumble my movement, but enough for me to realise at my size, a number of pints is basically my body weight, and my bladder was getting rather full. At this point, we were doing the longest trek, Brooke’s Bar to the Abattoir, and I’m doing every technique in the book to hold it in.

I’m with some rather known names, so I don’t want to hold up the group just so I can use the loo, so I am dying as we finally get to the Abattoir. I politely excuse myself to the toilets and barge in, rushing to the urinals and trying to undo my pants, when I look up and see all the urinals are taped off and the cubicles are occupied. It is at this point my body goes’ Well, we’re in a toilet, time to pee. So I’m standing at a urinal, pissing myself in my pants, in the Abattoir.

I quickly rush to the tap and splash water all over my pants to wash it all away, before coming out and claiming the faucet’s pressure was ‘out of control’, somehow keeping my entire shirt dry but soaking all of my pants. I don’t think they bought it. And yes, I had another drink after.

EDINBURGH WHINGE

I wish that you could read feedback about performance spaces before you book them. Regardless of which organisation you work with (Big 4, Laughing Horse, PBH, Just The Tonic, etc.), you will get a list of rooms, what they look like, technical specifications and all that jazz. I feel there should be feedback from performers in previous years, that can highlight the state of the rooms.

 I know it will be hard to stop acts from complaining about every little thing. Dude, the only reason your mic cable isn’t working is because you hold it like a shitty New York comic and as low as possible, bending the cable. Stop that.

I feel that there can be a compromise, to highlight which acts the room can work best for, what positives the performers found in previous years, like storage or multiple power points, and some challenges that may be an issue, like a dimmer spotlight or a lack of one.

That way, performers can choose the rooms that work best for them, and festival organizers will have to deal with fewer complaints and whining throughout the festival.

• Sam See: And I Can't Feel at Home in This World Anymore is on at Laughing Horse @ The Counting House at 5.45pm

Published: 18 Aug 2024