TV channel Gold reveals its annual top ten

Puns about Phillip Schofield, Liz Truss, and the cost of living crisis are among the best topical Christmas cracker jokes this year, according to a new poll.

Best of the lot  was judged to be: ‘What type of peas ruin Christmas dinner? MPs.’

The gags were created for the annual competition run by TV channel Gold, which invites people to tweet festive jokes that are then put to the vote.

The winner was written by Claire Travers Smith, a TV producer from London, who receives £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper and a box of bespoke crackers.

Gold has not credited the writers of the other jokes in the top ten, although Chortle has put in a request so we can do so. But here the are:

1.    What type of peas ruin Christmas Dinner? MPs 

2.     Why does Kate Bush need to turn the heating off? She’s running up that bill. 

3.    How did King Charles III sign his Christmas cards to his family? The Artist Formerly Known As Prince 

4.     What’s the difference between Liz Truss and a shepherd? One U-turns and the other turns ewes 

5.     Why are Will Smith and Chris Rock not having turkey this Christmas? Because they’ve got beef 

6.    Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints 

7.     What crisps do Phil and Holly serve at their Christmas party? Skips. 

8.     Why are the Government having problems with their own version of the Christmas Nativity? They can't find three wise men 

9.     What do people heating their homes and wrapping paper have in common this Christmas? Both of them are getting ripped off 

10.  How can you keep your home warm this Christmas? Tinsulation 

Gerald Casey, Gold channel director, says, ‘This year has seen another outpouring of comedic talent for our competition.’

And comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who led the judging panel who drew up the shortlist, said: ‘The British public has delivered the laughs, proving that once again we’re a nation with an unrelenting sense of humour.’

Published: 5 Dec 2022