Patrick Spicer's Fringe cringe, binge and whinge

Patrick Spicer recalls his most embarrassing Edinburgh experience; what he can't get enough of at the festival; and the worst thing about the Fringe. Apart from the cost of accommodation, obviously.

Fringe cringe

Last Fringe, when I did a 45-minute work-in-progress show, my flyerer got me a chocolate brownie right before my last show as a gift, and as I was about to bite into it she joked, ‘Don’t worry it's not a pot brownie.’

Unfortunately I have a crippling fear of both drugs and accidentally taking drugs (because I accidentally took ecstasy when I was 13.) So even though I knew it obviously wasn't a pot brownie my idiot brain was like, ‘Yeah but what if it is and you have a panic attack and DIE?!?!’

But I didn't know how to express any of that so I just panicked, put it back in the packet and robotically said, ‘I am not going to eat this.’ She was pretty confused and offended and I went and ruined my last show. 

Fringe binge

Not to be a double-decker cringe sandwich but it's honestly living with my friends who make me laugh so much all day and all month. Because most of the time gigging is lonely and you’re just sort of out there slinging jokes and then getting a train or rail replacement bus or bus replacement rail.

So I just love getting to live with all my favourite people, going through the same great/awful month together and immersing my whole head in a big bucket of lame friendship for nerds. 

Fringe whinge

Accidentally flyering steaming drunk people then trying to roll back all enthusiasm and convince them not to come. But then they come anyway and you watch as your show crumbles around gin and it being their birthday.

Eventually you get frustrated and spoil their birthday so you aren’t the only one who lost something, but it’s not really their fault, it’s yours for flyering them and everybody loses and everybody feels worse especially if you because you have to do a bucket speech. 

• Patrick Spicer: Who’s This All Of A Sudden is on at Gilded Balloon Patter Hoose at 6:20pm (not 16th)

Published: 21 Aug 2022