From his 2017 State Of The Industry address

Andy Kindler’s annual embittered diatribe against the comedy and TV industry that repeatedly overlooks him is a must-see at Montreal’s Just For Laughs festival, even if, over the years, this spectacular bridge-burning ceremony has become increasingly self-referential – and that from a pretty substantial baseline.

Yesterday’s State Of The Industry rant was far more about the weedy podium microphones, Kindler’s self-destructive streak and our failings as an audience to appreciate his zingers than it was about speaking truth to the powers in the entertainment world.

‘No more self-sabotage now,’ he insisted, unconvincingly. ‘It's only the quality of my act that going to sink me.’

But he also thought he might be at the age where the industry might be interested in him again. ‘Showbusiness is banging my door down,’ he joked. ‘Because they suspect I’m dead.’

Still, some barbed insults were aimed outwards towards the end of his speech, even if Kindler reserves his biggest contempt – and sharpest humour – for his own lack of professionalism: gloriously self-deprecating jibes that only work because his regular gags are more hit and miss than Stevie Wonder at a rifle range.

Here are 12 of the best burns from the session

• Netflix is releasing a new stand-up special every week. Now you can binge watch America getting tired of comedy again.

• I may have been too hard on the Blue Collar Comedians. In hindsight I think only 75 per cent of what they did was an affront to humanity.

• And with Jeff Dunham: My beef wasn't with him, it was really with his racist puppets.

• Network executives were the first driverless cars.

• Maybe Dennis Miller isn't Satan, because he hasn’t got the discipline

• I'm tired of these storytelling shows. Why don't you and your story get a room? Preferably one without such an appreciative audience.

• Showtime’s I’m Dying Up Here reminds me of when I went to a Halloween party dressed as 70s guy.

• Chris Rock is back in the clubs working on a special. Yes, Chris Rock is back in the clubs working on a special. The special is an hour long, but it's only a half hour of material because he says everything twice. The special is an hour long, but it's only a half hour of material because he says everything twice.

• LaLa Land: Finally a movie that shows women putting their makeup on.

• On CNN’s The History Of Comedy: What’s more entertaining than having a comedian describe what's funny?

• They’ve opened a Jimmy Fallon ride at Universal Studio. [He then held his hand out waist-high] You have to be this easily entertained to go on it.

• I’ve come up with a new character, Ricky Jewvais. During Yom Kippur he goes: ‘What should I atone for? I'm perfect.’

Published: 29 Jul 2017