By 'professional pisshead' Issy Wroe Wright of Sh!t-Faced Showtime

It goes without saying that the Edinburgh Fringe and drinking go hand in hand. When I think of The Fringe I think of experimental theatre, tightrope walkers in the Meadows, the Royal Mile littered in flyers, macaroni cheese pies, and drinking… lots of drinking.

The Edinburgh Fringe is a month-long indulgence of art and alcohol and like most, I enjoy the latter far more than my liver cares to accommodate. In fact, performing in Sh!t-Faced Showtime makes me a professional pisshead, my parents are incredibly proud. 

For those who have never seen the show, the concept is extremely highbrow; each night we take five professionally trained actors and rehearse a musical. This year its Oliver With A Twist, a musical tale of Dickens’s orphaned boy with booze, glorious booze. Four hours before curtain-up, we get one of our actors plastered and set them loose on the stage. Our sober cast must deal with their antics and finish the show in one piece.

 Now, my usual Sh!t-Faced spiel with sensible relatives over the dinner table is: ‘Oh, only one cast member is drinking at a time, so we are probably one of the soberest casts at the Fringe!’ I find this works wonders with the grandparents, however, my nose is now 2 meters long and I’m finding it hard to board the bus. 

So let’s out this fib; Everyone loves a drink after a show and the reality is, if you’re heading up to Edinburgh and you’re not teetotal, you’re going to be shit-faced most of the time. Nevertheless, we at Sh!t-faced Showtime have some helpful show inspired tips to help you through the month… 

First of all, ‘this is a marathon and not a sprint’. This the advice we give our designated drinker each night before they start their four hours of drinking time and it applies to Fringe performers too.

The first week of Edinburgh is incredibly exciting and over the first few days: when you’ve completed your tech, when you’ve gotten through your first show (with more than 1 man and his dog in the audience), when you get your first review, you will go out and have a well-deserved beverage – or several. Good on ya. 

BUT this is a whole month. Give yourself a chance. Be like the tortoise and you won't succumb to hair of the dog in your first week. It’s probably also worth saying that if this all goes tits-up there might be the temptation to drown your sorrows. Don’t do that. Call your parents and have a cry instead. It’s only theatre. No one will die. That might not be the same for comics, where people frequently die. 

The other words of wisdom I can offer are for when you find yourself too inebriated. At the end of our show we will introduce our drunk actor to a practice known as ‘water hour’. A fluid concept of time where the fluid is water and the time is, however long it takes to get our actor back to ‘normal’.

This stream is only ever intercepted by absorbent food. While those George Square food vendors are delicious, you will probably be persuaded that your coinage is better spent on cocktails. So how about this? Make a sandwich before you leave. I myself find peanut butter toast to be particularly impervious to the Scottish rain (but there are plenty of other lipid-based sandwich fillers to waterproof your carbs). 

The effect of ‘water hour’ should not be underestimated. I can honestly say that this has saved us from some hefty hangovers that we really, really deserved to have. If you or anyone you love has gone out and hit it a bit hard, bringing 'water hour' into play can save your bacon. Drink water!

So, what if you missed the boat and drowned yourself in beer last night? How do you survive that 11am flyering session you promised to be there for? I have heard legend of hangover remedies. Perhaps you could take your Holland and Barrett card for a spin and invest in some milk thistle, B vitamins or coconut water. 

But I am in the camp that trusts in the medicinal qualities of greasy food and Dioralyte. Remember you are in the land of experts and at this point it’s best to make like a native. Go for a fried-egg morning roll, square lorne sausage or if you’re vegan (like most actors) try some veggie haggis. 

I think what must take priority if your spending a month living on top of other people is finding the right drinking companion. When faced with the inevitable late-night phrase: ‘Please sir, I want some more,’ a good drinking buddy needs the ability to hit the brakes on the nights festivities or to make the, let’s face it, more likely decision to carry on and respond with the more important question at hand – ‘Who Will Buy’. 

Going out on the razz can get messy and here at Magnificent Bastard Productions looking after our bunch of beautiful misfits takes pride of place. So, cheers to a month of debauchery and remember, always enjoy musical theatre responsibly. 

•  Sh!t-Faced Showtime: Oliver With a Twist! is on at Underbelly, Bristo Square at 10pm

Published: 4 Aug 2018