Dave Hill addresses the issues

Attention People of the United Kingdom:

As you have no doubt already read about in the papers, heard about on the news, or overheard someone mumbling about in your local sexual health clinic waiting room, I have decided to come to London for seven magical days and nights (August 1-7, to be exact) as part of the Camden Fringe. Yeah, I know, I’m pretty excited about it too.

I realise it is at this point that some of you are asking yourselves: 'Hey, why isn’t Dave doing the Edinburgh Fringe this year? I was thinking of taking the train up, trying to have sexual intercourse with him, and then maybe run off with his wallet before the pills wear off.'

And to that I say, wow, thank you - that’s very sweet, officer.

But the truth is, while I love haggising it up before eventually soiling myself on the Royal Mile just as much as the next guy from suburban Cleveland, I’ll take a sexy basement in Tufnell Park over that any nine times out of ten, which is why I’ll be returning to Aces and Eights there for the second exhilarating year in a row. I’ll end this paragraph right here as sort of an applause break. Take your time.

As those of you who have been following my career from the very beginning are well aware, I love to get topical with my 'humour', 'jokes', and 'act' in general. For example, sometimes I will read something in the paper and then make a humorous comment or another on the thing I read on stage later that night to the delight and amazement of everyone in attendance as they nudge each other, share a giddy embrace, and perhaps even exchange a look that seems to say: 'That Dave, he’s done it again. I wonder if he will be selling T-shirts after the show so I can have something to remember this fun night out where I cut loose and momentarily forgot that eventually death will claim each and every one of us, in many cases much too soon, before we’ve had a chance to tell our loved ones how we really feel about them or even get a chance to get up to some weird butt stuff.' Thank you.

Anyway, giving my penchant for 'ripping things from the headlines', I realise it is at this point that you are probably wondering what percentage of my show this year will be spent discussing Brexit. I’m glad you asked. The plan is to take the stage, say something real quick about how it’s great to be back in London and then, without any warning whatsoever, hit the crowd with a real take-no-prisoners line about how I intend to 'reverse Brexit'.

As you can probably imagine, this will undoubtedly be met with applause from an audience that appreciates how I’m not afraid to just hop off a plane and start tackling the tough issues as soon as my feet hit the ground. Anyway, then just as soon as my zinger about how I intend to 'reverse Brexit' has hit the back row, I will follow it with '…in my pants'.

Then I will pause for an another seriously long applause break before demanding silence from the crowd and finally, at long last, bringing out the donkey to let the real show begin.

I really hope you can make it.

Your man,
Dave Hill

Published: 31 Jul 2016