What Pete Worth wants all punters to sign

The following is an agreement between you (audience member) and the venue (place where laughter occurs). This agreement must be read in full and by entering the performance area (seats in front of stage holding joke-telling person) you agree to the terms set out herein:

The comedy you specifically enjoy may not be performed but this gives you no right to verbally (or any other way) protest the performance. The performance area is a place for comedians to perform their act and work out material for their act. There are many different types of comedy ranging from clean to profane but one does not have more worth than the other.

You understand that, even if you don’t personally find the material funny, the performance is not only for you, it is for everyone in the venue.

In this case, and within the universe, you are only a small part of a larger whole. If other people (people who are not you i.e. other audience members who aren't there when you look in the mirror), are laughing and you are not – this is fine; if everyone in the world had exactly the same taste, the world would merely consist of grey sludge.

A comedy stage is a place where comedians should be free to express any ideas they desire for comedic effect. You may not agree with some of these ideas, but please remember you are in a comedy venue – the material is not to be taken literally, or even seriously.

Please be assured if a person genuinely holds questionable views, they would not attempt to gain actual political support for them by performing them as a comedy act to drunk people. They would do something like form the EDL.

You understand that you have the right to be offended at anything but this does not give you any rights. Being offended means you disagree strongly with something. If you are unable to control yourself, when you find yourself in a state of disagreement, you should leave the venue silently or not attend a night where any words may be said out loud.

You are not permitted to record any of the comedian's act and upload it to the internet. You are here to be an audience member. You are not an investigative journalist participating in something that matters.

You accept that people making a fuss over something a comedian says on stage has now become a cliché and the only reason someone would do something like that is to make the show about them because they're too attached to their over-inflated ego and sense of self.

Please enjoy tonight’s event.

Published: 14 Nov 2013