Tom Ward recalls his most embarrassing Edinburgh experience; what he can't get enough of at the festival; and the worst thing about the Fringe. Apart from the cost of accommodation, obviously...

Fringe cringe

In 2016, I decided to stay with a single mum and her two small kids. Clever. Debut year, what could go wrong?

We clashed on day one when I used her blender but didn’t put the lid on properly so it sprayed all up the wall. I cleaned the wall but she said the blender didn't seem itself after that so I bought her a new one. We were doomed.

We clashed at every turn - I’d do yoga in my room and take the mirror down so I could do a handstand but when I’d get back from doing a wee it would back on the wall because she was terrified of broken mirrors in her house.

I’d collect plastic and paper in my room to take to the recycling – she’d see them and complain about the ‘rubbish’ in my room. 10 days in, things were so tense that even her small kids were spelling out ‘cunt’ in alphabet spaghetti. I moved out.

She gave me the old blender as a parting gift and kept my rent money as a gift to herself. Then she left an A4 sized review on Airbnb about how I was the worst guest she’d ever had and how embarrassed she was by me wearing a Sainsbury’s plastic bag as a hat umbrella when I left the house.

I had to close my Airbnb account and start a new one like a shit A-Team.

Fringe binge

I really like the morning after day 3’s show, when I’m feeling like, ‘Ah yeah, OK I think I know what the show is now…yeah, feeling good!’ So I’d like more morning after day 3’s please. Just before the first reviews come in…

Fringe whinge

I really hate having to see everyone’s fucking faces on posters everywhere. It messes with my specialness complex.

‘Hang on, I’m the only comedian that should have a poster, why the hell is that wanker on a poster? And how the fuck did they get 5 stars from somewhere? Is this place a different currency? Do stars just fall from the fucking sky and land on the promotional materials of wankers?’

• Tom Ward: Anthem is on at Monkey Barrel Comedy Club at 10.25pm