To a punter it looks easy. Shit, just one of the things you\'ve got to learn how to do is to make it look easy, even when you\'re throats gone dry, you\'ve forgotten where you were and you\'ve been rattled by something you couldn\'t have predicted in a million years.

So far my personal favourites are a spider descending on a thread into the cleavage of a lady at the front, sending everyone at her table into a screaming panic, and a unicyclist pedalling right in front of the stage with the unforgettable line: ‘At least I\'m not bald.’

One thing that’s a given is that if you feel you\'ve written a good joke, you hang onto it, you tell it on stage, you get the glory for it and once you\'ve got enough of them (and if you\'ve learned enough of the countless other things that are needed to get up and hold a room) you just might be able to make a living out of comedy.

And you meet a hell of a lot of people that all want to make a living out of comedy.

So one thing you don’t do is give a good joke away, because that’s what puts food on the table.

However, some things are more important than comedy. Like ensuring BNP leader Nick Griffin remains just a man. That he\'s not allowed, through the acquisition of more power, to become a monster. 

A wise man said that to take away a monster’s power, you have to make him look ridiculous. So for the first time in my career, I\'ve written a political joke.

It’s not the greatest joke, but as my only overtly political joke (I wrote a satirical song once, sang it for years, but only one comedian, Daliso Chaponda, ever commented on the satire), it’s my contribution, my little egg to be thrown at that foolish, bigoted, sad little man. And all it\'ll take is enough eggs.

I\'ll be telling it onstage, I\'ll be going for the glory because I\'m still just another needy comic but this gag, I do hope you like it. I hope you tell it to your friends. I hope you text it to your workmates. And if one day I can\'t tell it on stage any more cos everyone seems to have heard it, I’d be very, very proud.

‘Why is Nick Griffin just a cock? Cos he\'s got one eye, shouldn\'t be out in public, should never be left in charge and every day he should be beaten \'til he cries.’