Ian Smith is at the Edinburgh Fringe performing his show  Crushing at Monkey Barrel at the Tron at 1.35pm. Here he shares what he can't get enough of at the festival, his most embarrassing Edinburgh experience and the worst thing about the Fringe. Apart from the cost of accommodation, obviously…

Edinburgh Binge

Steam rooms.

I shout a lot in my stand-up and usually after the first week my voice is already in a precarious place. I’m not a huge fan of honey, lemon or ginger - so unsurprisingly, drinking a hot mug of all three combined feels horrible. 

Someone told me I should go to a steam room. I can’t remember who that was and I have no idea if there’s any medical benefit to it, but they’re very relaxing and they seem to allow me to get through at least an hour of comedy a day.

I once saw a man bring his own eucalyptus drops into the steam room. He dabbed a few of them about the place - this felt very presumptuous, potentially against the gym rules and far too confident for me. I can’t imagine myself taking eucalyptus out of whatever orifice I’ve concealed it in and basically telling everyone in the steam room, ‘we’re gonna be smelling this whether you like it or not’.

 I’m not saying he’s in the wrong. I wish I had the confidence to use a pipette in front of people in swimwear, and it’s something I’m building towards every single day of my life.

I’m going to go most mornings and use the relaxing steam room vibes to propel me into a local corner shop where I will buy a 35p energy drink, cancel out those relaxed vibes and head off to shout at a room of people. Bliss.

Edinburgh Cringe

I once did a stage dive into three rows of empty metal chairs.

I’d been drinking all day with Rob Beckett and former England goalkeeper Paul Robinson. He’d come to see our split show and bought us so many pints that I can only really remember two things from the day: Paul offering someone £40 for their umbrella when it started raining and me saying I’d do a stage dive at a late gig I was doing, the audience cheering, then moving away from their chairs when they saw I was serious and me diving into the chairs like a wrestler.

Paul Robinson offered his hand, got me back up on my feet and bought me at least another four pints.

Edinburgh Whinge 

There aren’t enough peppermint squares.

You’ve heard of millionaire shortbread? If not, please stop reading now as it will be very hard to get on board with the rest. 

Peppermint squares are basically millionaire shortbread but the caramel has been abandoned and replaced with a hard peppermint cream, or in some cases a peppermint fudge (both have their merits, but we don’t have the word count to go into it). For some reason, they seem unique to the north of Scotland.

Every time I come to Edinburgh, I have renewed hope of living off then for the month until I’m sick - but it’s just too hard to find them. There was one place in the shopping centre by Waverley station that had them, but last time I went the name had changed and the peppermint squares had gone. I’m Googling places, trying my best to track them down with increasing difficulty.

Sometimes I’ll order some from the internet, but often the only quantity you can order is wholesale - so I have to order them in bulk as if I’m a cafe. There’s no dignity in this.

 So all I’m asking is that somewhere in Edinburgh makes peppermint squares for August. There’s no financial risk. If you make them, I will come. I will eat them all.

• Ian Smith: Crushing is on at Monkey Barrel at the Tron at 1.35pm