'No one thought you were handsome!'

WTF: Weekly Trivia File

‘Audiences today find Rhod Gilbert as sexy as they did Mick Jagger.’ Comedy Store owner Don Ward.

In the wake of the New Year Honours list, producers of Spamalot have said any bona fide Knights or Dames can see the West End show for free. And if you don’t have that honour, don’t worry – free tickets will be available each day for those who get into the spirit of things. ‘To secure free entry, budding Knights of the Round Table must don at least four of the following: a helmet, a hood, chainmail, armour, a tunic, a tabard, a cape, gauntlets or a shield,’ say producers. Get to the Playhouse Theatre at least an hour before curtain-up, and free tickets are subject to availability.

David Walliams said he’s ‘always hated the way I look,’ but accepts: ‘That’s OK, I’m a comedian, it wouldn’t be good for me to be vain.’ Speaking to Esquire, he also said he was baffled by stand-ups who undergo cosmetic surgery, saying: ‘It's ridiculous. I can't believe it when I look at Jackie Mason and Joan Rivers, two of the great American comedians, their faces don't move. How do you sell a joke in the way you would have done before? Because now you've got a mask. Especially Jackie Mason, you think, “No one thought you were handsome! Everyone thought you were funny. What are you holding on to?”’

Meanwhile, Walliams supplied the joke for a £1,500-a-time Christmas cracker created by society milliner Philip Treacy, in reaction to the cheap paper hats in most festive decorations. They were made for luxury brand Asprey – but a spokesman declined to reveal the £1,500 joke...

Terry Jones has escaped death after a 60ft tree smashed into his North London home, crushing his garage over the weekend. The 70-year-old Python told the Evening Standard: ‘It was a huge tree and we were so lucky to escape. “It hit the garage wall and the ends of the branches were just touching the house front after hitting other trees on the way down. When we opened the front door all we could see was the tree. If it had been six foot taller it would have hit the roof and Siri [his three-year-old daughter] sleeps in that room. We were so lucky because she could have been killed.’

Frank Skinner begged for a part in Doctor Who – but was knocked back. The comic said he was such a fan that he asked his agent to ask producers for a guest slot. ‘I didn't need a big part - a monster or a lunar rock - but I would love to be able to tell my grandchildren I was in it,’ he told The Graham Norton Show. ‘My manager said, “I'm sure it won't be a problem”. He got in touch and got an email back that said, “We are really happy that it is something Frank would like to do…” Somehow the end of the email seemed to have been cut off..’