Gold competition winners announced

A  joke about the rising cost of fuel has won the annual competition for the best topical Christmas cracker gags run by TV channel Gold.

The winning quip was: Why are people cutting back on Brussels sprouts this Christmas? The cost of gas is too high 

It came from  Craig Rogers from Manchester, who wins £1,500 towards a holiday, a festive hamper and a box of bespoke Gold Christmas Crackers,  including his gag.

The top 20 are below.

Aside from the winner, Gold does not credit those who wrote each joke – but Chortle has tracked down most of them.

1.       Why are people cutting back on Brussels sprouts this Christmas? The cost of gas is too high   @escapeveloxity

2.       Why is Christmas dinner vegan this year? Because Turkey is on the red list, but vegetables are all green 

3.       Why won't Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk and Richard Branson see each other this Christmas? They all want space  @JackKellyComedy

4.       What's Piers Morgan's favourite Christmas song? Walking off on air  @vickydoo

5.       Which relative will not be at Chris Whitty's Christmas dinner? Aunty Vaxxer  @LHayes313

6.       Which vaccine did Father Christmas get? Mince Pfizer  @alexbuchanan

7.       Why did Rudolph's nose have to self-isolate? It failed the lateral glow test  @Judgement_Dave

8.       Why didn't Santa replace Comet and Cupid when they left to become HGV drivers? It was just 2 deer  @elegurious

9.       How do you know the heating bill for December is too high? Dad won't even let you open the windows on your advent calendar.  @alexbuchanan

10.   Why can Netflix afford calamari at Christmas? They're Squids in @delshout1

11.   Why does Christmas scrabble take so long with Boris Johnson? He's keeps going back on his word  @delshout1

12.   Why are we only having broccoli, cabbage and peas as veg this Christmas? Because 52% of the family said no to Brussels  @TwonRue

13.   Why did Matt Hancock have to buy his aide really expensive Christmas presents? She had him up against a wall  @escapeveloxity

14.   Why does Emma Raducanu get to carry the crystal glasses at Christmas dinner? They know she's unlikely to drop a set  @pdwilco

15.   Which vaccine did the Three Wise Men have? The Wiser Jab  @yorkshirepud27

16.   Which Friends character nearly missed the 2021 Reunion Show due to the Test and Trace app? Chandler Ping  @yorkshirepud27

17.   Why will Keir Starmer be sad on Christmas morning? He'll still have no presence   @laughingtwits

18.   Why does Jackie Weaver control the weather at Christmas? She has snow authority  @JackKellyComedy

19.   What pantomime are the government doing this year? Chris Whittington   @nicola_hilliard

20.   What is Coleen Rooney's favourite Christmas game? Guess Who  [This has been tweeted several times over the past two years by various people]

 For the ninth year, the channel asked people  to tweet original festive gags to enter the competition. Entries were shortlisted by a panel of judges  led by comedy critic Bruce Dessau, who said of the nominees: ‘There is something to get everyone giggling.’

The final winner was decided by a poll of 2,000 adults.

Gerald Casey, Gold’s channel director, said: ‘It is heartening that every Christmas, the British public can reflect on this year  in a humorous way.’

Published: 7 Dec 2021