More than six decades of laughter,,,

So it turns out that if you bang two halves of a horse together, it doesn’t make the sound of a coconut.

Just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome, it started off badly but by the end I really liked it.

The man who invented cat’s eyes got the idea when he saw a cat facing him in the road. If the cat had been facing the other way, he’d have invented the pencil sharpener

Tonight when you get home, put a handful of ice cubes down your wife's nightie and say: 'There's the chest freezer you always wanted’

My Dad knew I was going to be a comedian. When I was a baby he said: ‘Is this a joke?’

I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

What a beautiful day! What a beautiful day for sticking a cucumber through someone’s letter box and shouting: ‘Help, help, the Martians have landed.’

My act is very educational. I heard a man leaving the other night, saying: 'Well, that taught me a lesson

How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? Nobody knows. It’s never been tried.

‘Men’s legs have a terribly lonely life – standing in the dark in your trousers all day.’

And here he is on Michael Parkinson’s chat show in 1981, telling a joke about a three-legged chicken:

Published: 12 Mar 2018