Interview: Alan Carr and Justin Lee Collins

Channel 4’s Friday Night Project is back on January 6, but with new presenter. Out goes Jimmy Carr, to front just about every other C4 entertainment show going, and his team. In comes high-camp stand-up Alan Carr and large, hairy comedian-turned-presenter Justin Lee Collins. Here they talk to Benjie Goodhart about themselves and their new prime-time show. But mainly about themselves…

Alan, do you find people ever confuse you with the stop-smoking guru of the same name?

AC: Yeah, that certainly happens. I get a lot on my website. I got invited to Japan by a Dr Wu, who wanted me to talk about nicotine addiction. And anyone who's ever seen my website - well, it's the campest thing you've ever seen. My head's in bubbles. So why someone would think I was actually a proper no-smoking guru is beyond me. I should have gone, really, and just done it. 'Well you did ask me!' But I wasn't that cruel.

Starting out in comedy can be a tough business. What possessed you to go down that road?

JLC: It certainly is tough, yeah. I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl. I only ever saw it as a door-opener, really. I hoped it would open a few doors for me, and it did, so it was good.

So are you really a frustrated actor?

JLC: Absolutely. I'm just generally hugely frustrated, I'm a very, very frustrated man. I'm just a ball of pent-up frustration. I'd love to do acting, but it'd definitely have to be comedy. I can't do serious. It's completely beyond me. And I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.

Alan, what made you get into comedy?

AC: I didn't really want to be a comedian, it's just that I was working in a call centre in a really terrible job. It was in a big credit card company, on the lost-and-stolen line. So after work I would just tell people about the weirdoes ringing up and how they'd lost their cards, and they'd say how funny it was and that I should go on stage and tell it. So I did, and they started laughing. Then I won the BBC New Comedian of the Year and I thought, 'Oh, I'm quite good at that'. But I never really thought I'd make a career out of it. It just sort of happened. I don't really like comedy. I wouldn't go on a night out to a comedy club or anything.

But you must have comic heroes?

AC: I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh. I haven't really got any particular favourites. I like Peter Sellers, Frankie Howerd, and more up-to-date I like Lee Mack, who's just coming into his own. I think he's absolutely brilliant. Daniel Kitson, Ross Noble, all the usual suspects.

JLC: That's the ultimate question, isn't it? It's impossible. There's been so many who I've loved over the years. When I was a kid I loved Tommy Cooper. I loved Larry Grayson on The Generation Game when I was a kid. When I was about 15, the greatest programme on TV was Vic and Bob's Big Night Out. But at the moment, my inspiration is Larry David - I'm a huge Curb Your Enthusiasm fan. It's rapidly becoming my favourite sitcom - if you can call it that - of all time. It's just beyond comparison. It's the best thing on TV, it blows everything else away.

How did your career go to start with? Did you have to do the pub circuit?

JLC: Oh yeah. You do the pub gigs in little pub function rooms performing to audiences of seven. I performed to seven in Tunbridge Wells one night, and that included the staff, and it was one of the best gigs of my life. At the end of it, it had gone so well that the barman said 'Fuck Eddie Izzard, mate'. The worst ones are when you get in a car and drive for three-and-a-half hours, from Bristol to Manchester, and there'll be 12 people in the audience, and they all think you're shit. It's soul-destroying.

So you've totally died on stage then?

JLC: Oh many times. I think everyone does. A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or say the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere or something. I haven't done it for four years. I retired from stand up four years ago, and have no intention of ever going back, because I hated it. But I think your reception is down to you. If you go on stage with the wrong attitude, or something in your performance is off, you can lose an audience in the first minute. That first minute is crucial. And to be honest sometimes, if the gig wasn't going well from the start, I wouldn't fight for it. But I've had some horrible gigs.

AC: I went over to Montreal and my first gig over there went very badly. They just weren't laughing at anything I was saying. Then I found out they were a load of Christians, and it was a gig to raise money for a new church roof. All the other gigs went brilliantly, but not that one. I think over there they're a bit hardcore with the old homos. They're not that keen on them, are they?

What's the most cutting heckle you've ever received?

AC: I was chatting to the audience and I asked this man what he did for a living, and he said, 'I'm an ambulance driver’. So I said, 'What's the worst thing you've seen?' and he said, 'You'. It serves me right for trying to be chatty and make friends.

JLC: I've never had a brilliant heckle in my life. My experiences of being heckled were always thoroughly unpleasant - abuse, the standard, 'Taxi for Mr Collins' that sort of thing.

Alan, you've been the warm-up man on Jonathan Ross' show for some time. Do you ever get to meet his guests?

AC: Yeah, it's brilliant. I've met Nicole Kidman, Elton John, loads of people. But it taught me you should never meet your heroes. Paul Newman was on, and I was so excited about meeting him, but they moved the show forward to 5pm because he needed to be in bed by 8pm, and he turned up in shell suit bottoms, slippers, and a jumper. He was just so worn out and old he wanted to go home. Then we had James Brown on, and he started talking about his prostate problems, and I thought, 'If even superstars end up like this, there's no hope for any of us, is there?' But Jonathan's absolutely lovely. He makes that job look so easy. I think he's a genius, and what a lovely guy as well. He gave me a suit of his to wear for The Royal Variety Performance - how sweet is that? Not that you could wear it out, of course. Lots of glitter. But he's a really nice guy, and has always been supportive of me.

How was The Royal Variety Performance?

AC: It went really well. Probably the most surreal thing I've ever done - Shirley Bassey, Cliff Richard, Charlotte Church, Will Young - so definitely a gay scene! Everyone was gay who worked on the show, it was so funny.

Not just the one Queen present then?

AC: No, lots of queens. She did have a lot of competition. I met her. She said 'Lot's of variety' but she said that to everyone. But I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like 'I hate queers!' He was quite well behaved.

And now The Friday Night Project…

AC: It's really exciting. Nerve-racking as well, but it's time for me to take the next step, I need it right now. We had our first meeting yesterday, and we just laughed all the way through, so if we can bottle that and do that on the day, then I'll be happy. We just get on, and that's half the battle.

JLC: Yeah, I can't wait. I'm also really looking forward to working Alan. I mentioned Larry Grayson earlier - I think one day Alan Carr will host The Generation Game. I think he's the new Larry Grayson - he's absolutely brilliant. I love the guest host aspect of the show, where we have a different celebrity as the show's main presenter every week.

AC: I can't reveal any of the celebrities at the minute, but we've got some really big names lined up.

JLC: I always get excited about meeting famous people. I met Mr T, and we were all, all of us, to a man on the crew, totally, totally star-struck. To meet someone I grew up watching and loving - it doesn't get much better. He was brilliant. He still looks great. He had cancer a few years back - ironically enough he had T-cell cancer. He's still got the mandinka - for God's sake don't call it a Mohawk or it'll all kick off. It's not a Mohawk, that was worn by the Native Americans, it's a mandinka, which is the African version.

AC: I still get excited about meeting celebrities, because I don't think I'm a celebrity myself. Although I did get spotted in Somerfields the other day. Someone went, 'Oh, you're the man off the telly,' but I had all reduced items in my basket, so I was trying to put them back on the shelves without her seeing. Just cos you're on the telly, you still love a bargain!

What would you have done if you hadn't become a comedian?

AC: I'd probably still be in the credit card call centre, cos I haven't really got much get up and go. I'm really happy this has landed on me. I can't believe I'm on the telly - I'm so lazy.

JLC: Well, I was working in Marks & Spencer when I first left school, so if I hadn't become a comic, I'd probably be a Deputy Supervisor on Men's Footwear right now. Where did it all go wrong?

First published: December 28, 2005

Published: 22 Mar 2009