Bobby Carrol doesn't miss the comedy hustlers

I'm a Londoner, proud Londoner, as proud as Londoner can be about a city fuelled on fried chicken bones and pigeon shit. I walk through Leicester Square pretty much every day and boy, oh boy, does that landscape shift.

Over the months and years, I’ve seen flyering, signs on posts, men in fluorescent jackets riddled with promotional exclamations – all trying valiantly in a minimum wage (or less) effort to funnel cash bearing humans to watch the funny, in the their paymaster’s venue.

Now Westminster Council has clamped down on handing out leaflets… and – in my devil's advocate opinion – it may be for the best I'm not denying street hustling gets audiences in... Only not the right people.

This is no ‘riff-raff’ argument. These potential laughers are nice enough. Whether they be from Japan or Zone 6 they are enjoying their night out in the Smoke... and strapped for ideas once the shops and galleries close, when they realise the theatres are sold out they find themselves with the choice of stretching out a meal, paying twice as much as they would locally to see the latest blockbuster or going to see a comedy show they previously hadn't even considered.

And therein lies the rub. Comedy relies on an issue of trust and confidence between acts and audience. An audience who have half-heartedly decided to settle on seeing a bit of stand-up at the last minute are a risky prospect. They walk in flyer clutched in hand vaguely associating it with that McIntyre or Chris Rock in a theatre setting. What they get is a function room, or hotel cellar, with a variety of acts they've never heard of. Trust dissipates, the comedian now has to unite this room of differing attitudes, expectations, sobriety and sophistication. Tough gig, but that is our lots as comics.

I'm being negative. At some clubs those random masses coerced off the pavement with a bit of A6 300gsm get a great deal for their willingness to experiment, There are top TV names at Just the Tonic, 99 Club and the now defunct Boom Boom and Sway.

But at others you'll get a mixture of blandly confident newcomers and old warhorses phoning in a quicky on a cheeky Northern Line double or triple up. They haven't been booked as they are the funniest acts, nor because they are unique enough to attract their own audience, these acts have been booked either as they are cheap or unchallenging.

They have to be, like TV they have to appeal to broad, uncommitted audience rather than the connoisseur.  When I see the flyers for those gigs they always remind me of the tramp trying to sell one crumpled Big Issue without the official seller's badge. It is still a homeless person selling a Big Issue yet we all know it’s just not kosher for the charitable fool who buys it, nor the homeless fella who is selling the mag legitimately.

Comedy shouldn't be all about the big acts earning more money, there should be more room in central London for newer acts to improve and earn money. But the exciting, spectacular new acts – not the easy-going ready-meal acts that merely conform to a crowd of comedy virgins’ preconceived ideas  of what a show is.

It's a matter of sustainability. If you've been flyering your show for three years and built up a brand and a mailing list you'll get enough repeat business so you can weather a storm like when one (and only one) of your promotional avenues is being denied to you by the council.

Unless of course your show is a bit of a con or mediocre. If people walk out feeling like marks (worst) or even that was merely passable (not much better) they ain't coming back, not even to proper decent bills elsewhere. If your show is not worth returning to maybe you shouldn't be bragging about it on brightly printed cardboard.

The Comedy Store has built a brand and reputation and managed to fill four times as many seats as the hustlers’ gigs without the need for pimps and chicken costumes. Why? It's a fucking good set up and fucking good show. Good enough to become world renowned. Quality product!

And there are plenty of smaller gigs within Westminister's limits that sell out. My one, the Decapitated Puppy, works because we market ourselves to a very specific audience and at least 50 per cent of those are regulars who sought us out and like what they've seen.

All the acts are people I'd happily pay to see on a night off from gigging, none could be described as 'workmanlike'. Respect and love for Johnny Punter has built a lovely monthly gig for me to run. We've sold out this week without selling tickets to friends, acts nor even being listed on Time Out. AND I never handed out one flyer. Quality (if niche) product!

Comedy works best if it is programmed to attract return business, not if it is booked to minimise walk-outs and refunds. A venue that has built trust in its audience and its name can experiment.

That promoter can book riskier or burgeoning acts in a way that a gig that is beholden to an opportunistic, transient audience never can and never will. For comedy to thrive as an industry and an art form we need to convince punters it’s worth paying for and seeking out. Not shill them while they are bored for short-term gains. Let's build an industry not a distraction.

Published: 11 Jun 2010